Happy Fat Christmas

The only good thing about being fat is that I have no motivation to buy new clothes, thus saving money. The best clothes in the world are not going to make me look good until I lose at least two stone.

My argument is that I have a whole wardrobe full of clothes which I haven't worn for 18 months since I put all this weight on. Why don't I just lose weight? It would be so much easier, and I'd save money on food in the process.

I wish I could find a happy medium.

Bad Mother = bad nativity costumes

Illustration by Melissa Crow 

It doesn't take much to knock my parenting confidence especially when my mood is at its lowest ebb. A few days 'snowed in' which usually sends people running screaming out of their homes into the company of others, tends to make me want to hide under the duvet even more.
But I have two young children who need to be stimulated, but instead they are developing serious addictions to  Spongebob Squarepants and Peppa Pig. My four year old screams in panic if she's torn away from the box mid-episode. Thank God for Sky+ and the ability to pause live TV.

The guilt of using my reliable babysitter in the corner of the living room is too much, but I still do nothing about it. My lethargy is increasing. I blame the weather, my medication, my weight (too fat to go out), everything.

There it is. I am a crap mum. The knowledge of being a crap mum bears down on me as I drop my children off at the nursery this morning, half an hour late; gloveless, because I forgot them;  and white bread in their sandwiches. I am being told that I have to provide a costume for the school play for both my girls. I am initially annoyed. The last two years, they've provided them, albeit the same costumes, but required no work for me. This year is also the first year that I will have two children at the nursery, which means I have to provide two costumes.

I'll admit, I don't knit or sew, or even have any materials in the house for making items of clothing, although I do have a little sewing kit for reattaching various buttons that might fall off. Even then, I usually lose the button before they get a chance to be reunited with their rightful garment.

As soon as I am in front of teachers, out comes my inner school child self: intimidated and defensive. What kind of costume? I ask. Anything, is the reply. So fairies and princesses are okay, thinking that they'll just about squeeze into the limited dressing up wardrobe we have at home.
Ah, not quite. 'Anything' as long as it's an angel or a shepherd.

I don't have anything like that, I blurted in a helpless school child's voice. Don't you have a spare pillowcase you can cut a hole in.

No we don't have any 'spare' anything. (This is true. We still wear and use all our old stuff). We're a modern, environment-conscious family. We re-use everything. (We can't afford not to).

I left in a tantrum and mumbling something about the girls being fairy/princess-type angels. Sleeping Beauty with a halo, what's the difference?