Fat, fat fat.

I've been going to the gym, eating much less and I know it's going to take time, but I'm so so so sick of being fat.

I've always been between a (UK) size 6 and 8 with the occasional balloon up to 10. I'm five foot 2 and I'm just over 10stone, when I'm usually 7st 7lbs. I've never been really fat before, until mum died and then I ate and ate for comfort.

I hate it. I really hate being fat. I don't go out apart from nursery runs, dog walks and the gym. I try not to bump into anyone I know. I feel like I'm wearing a fat suit and I just want to take it off. I can't look in the mirror, I can't bear to look at the rolls of fat. Hideous. No one can be happy fat. I don't believe it for a second.

I have such a long way to go (at least two and a half stone) and I feel I'm never going to get there.